What Is Grief? 5 Myths and Facts You Should Know
Summary
What is grief? Learn the truth behind 5 common myths about grief and how they shape our understanding of loss.
Debunked myths: Explore misconceptions like the idea of predictable grief stages or that time alone heals all wounds.
Practical support: Find ways to manage your grief and understand its unique impact on your life.
What is grief? Grief is our holistic response to loss: the emotional, mental, physical, social and spiritual reactions we have to lose something important to us. Grief is something everyone experiences, but misconceptions can make it harder to understand and work through.
In this blog, we’ll explore five common myths about grief and offer more compassionate ways to help you understand and cope with this challenging part of life.
1. Myth: Grief Has Predictable Stages
Fact: Grief doesn’t follow a set and predictable path; it’s different for everyone.
You may have heard of the "Five Stages of Grief"—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While these can provide a framework, they don’t apply to everyone and may not happen in a linear order. In reality, some may revisit certain stages or skip some altogether. In fact, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, the Swiss psychiatrist who originated these five stages, intended them to reflect the experience of a dying person’s grief as they navigate the end of life.
The truth is that grief often comes and goes unpredictably, like waves rather than steps on a ladder. And for some, certain emotions may be cyclical and recurring.
Cultural Insight:
How people grieve varies widely, influenced by culture, age, personal experiences, access to support, and socioeconomic status, among others. For instance, some cultures focus on outward expressions of mourning, while others encourage quiet reflection.
2. Myth: Time Heals All Wounds
Fact: Time alone doesn’t ease grief—intentional effort is crucial.
The idea that pain will simply fade over time can lead to frustration when feelings of loss persist or return. To work through our grief, we need to express it in ways that are meaningful to us while also learning to adapt to the changes our loss has dealt us. The analogy I often use with clients is that of “dosing” - the idea that in order to metabolize and integrate our loss, we need to be exposed to it in small and more manageable chunks, instead of avoiding it altogether or overwhelming ourselves with it.
Just like we take our medicine in small daily doses, we can interact with our grief in intentional ways regularly. Healing involves acknowledging and naming your emotions, seeking support and community, and finding constructive coping methods.
Helpful Tip:
Writing in a journal, making art, participating in rituals and ceremonies, and speaking with someone you trust can help you process your emotions. While there’s no fixed timeline for grief, being proactive can make the process more manageable and less lonely.
3. Myth: Grief Is Only About Death
Fact: Grief can stem from any meaningful loss.
While grief is often associated with losing a loved one to death, it can also come from events like a divorce, job loss, health diagnosis or other significant life changes. Any time we transition from an ending to something new, there is potential for grief to arise. Even welcoming changes like moving to a new home, welcoming a baby into the family, or retiring can bring up feelings of grief and a need to acknowledge what is ending to make room for the new. Recognizing these sources of grief is important for acknowledging your feelings and validating your experience.
Reflection Exercise:
Think about times in your life when you’ve experienced a loss that wasn’t tied to a death. Honour those thoughts and emotions, as they are just as significant.
4. Myth: You Should Grieve Privately
Fact: Sharing and expressing your feelings can help you heal.
Many people feel pressure to grieve quietly, equating strength with emotional silence. While there is a place for self-reflection and contemplation in grief, holding everything inside can become very isolating and for some, detrimental to their mental health.
Speaking openly about your feelings with trusted individuals can provide relief, clarity, and a sense of connection during an often isolating time. For some, sharing with close family members or friends is a useful and safe way to express their grief. For others, more formal support like attending a bereavement group or speaking with a grief counsellor is more helpful. Participating in grief rituals and ceremonies can also allow others to acknowledge and support your grief.
Counselling Tip:
Talking with a grief counsellor can give you the tools to process your grief in a way that feels approachable and productive. Learn more about grief counselling here.
5. Myth: Grief Is a Sign of Weakness
Fact: Grieving shows strength and courage.
Grieving is a normal and universal human experience. But because we live in a death-phobic and grief-illiterate society, it is often seen as a weakness or a sign that you aren’t coping well. In reality, grief reflects the value of what you’ve lost, whether it’s a person, a role, or a dream. It shows the strength of your attachment to who or what you’ve lost. In facing our grief, we are able to identify what’s truly important to us, and live more aligned with our values. The belief that grief is a weakness often comes from societal discomfort with vulnerability. Facing grief head-on demonstrates resilience and courage.
Positive Reframe:
Consider grief as evidence of the depth of your connection to what you lost and your capacity to cherish meaningful relationships. Grief and love are two sides of the same coin.
How to Cope with Grief
Understanding myths about grief is just the beginning. Here are practical ways to care for yourself during this time:
Be Kind to Yourself: Allow yourself grace on difficult days.
Join a Support Group: Connecting with others can help you feel less alone.
Set Small Goals: Small accomplishments can help rebuild normalcy.
Consider Counseling: Speaking with a professional can provide practical tools and a structured way to process your grief.
Grief Counselling in Toronto
Grief counselling can help you better understand your emotions, challenge harmful myths, and create strategies tailored to your needs. At Andrea Kwan Counselling, we’re here to help you take the next step. Learn more about grief counselling here.
Conclusion
What is grief? It’s a deeply personal response to loss. By addressing common grief myths and focusing on more compassionate ways to understand grief, you can take steps toward healing that feel right for you. If you’d like additional guidance, we’re here to help.
Visit our contact page to connect with a grief counsellor and start your healing today.
